Moment of Clarity

Okay. I will be extremely honest with you all today. Last Monday, I looked myself in the mirror in a fitting room and cried. I didn’t like the way I looked in the clothes, I didn’t like the way I looked. PERIOD. I put the clothes on the rack and walked to my car and just cried. I ended up at the gym. That was something I know I could fix. I can look better with a little time at the gym.

Over the week I spent more time investing into my body. I found things that I could eat to make healthier choices. I found some clothes that flatter me. I spent some more time at the gym, and I talked to a few people for exercise advice. All of these things are just a part of me trying to make some changes so that I don’t look at myself with disgust when I try on clothes.

Today, I thought about how I do a lot of things and think a lot of things that are damaging to my soul. But when I have that moment of clarity, I don’t hurry and run to my Bible or talk to others that are deeper in the Word to help me through my struggles. I just struggle and let it be.

Yes, I’m making steps like showing up to what my church calls “Learning Zone” at 9am on Sunday and staying for service at 10:30. I know that’s not enough. I’ve been delaying finding someone who is in Christ but still in that early 30 range to candidly talk to about the REAL things that are going on in my life.

God is so good and he sees the mistakes I make before I make them. He knows that right now there are a few things this week that I’m going to do that probably aren’t the BEST ideas… BUT he still loves me.

I would really like for those of you who read this blog to really look at yourself in the mirror and look into your soul. So you go to church, what is something EXTRA you can do to thank God for allowing you to breathe today? What kind of praise can you give Him for allowing you to have a place to stay or a job that pays your bills? Can you read one scripture this week? Can you pray for people other than yourself? What steps can you take to make sure that when you look yourself in the mirror again, you see a better person?

Believe me, this week I will be doing the SAME thing.

Love,

BK

This is Hard, a True Struggle

I’m proud of myself in some areas and less proud in others. The book I mentioned last week (Not A Fan.) is getting more and more difficult to complete. It’s really some deep stuff. Today it asked me, “What am I enslaved to?” OK, I can maybe admit that. It then took it a step forward and told you to make an altar to it and kneel in front of it to worship. WHAT???? WHO DOES THAT??

I suppose we do equivalent things every day when we have time for everything/one else but God. I’m a HUGE victim of this. I had all sorts of meetings and events to go to this week and I’ve been stressing out like crazy, but yet I haven’t really laid my burdens on God.

I worry so much about the future and forget that every moment forthcoming is not guaranteed. I have to follow Jesus the best I can knowing that God is a understanding God.

I also have to start reading my Bible to really understand Jesus and develop a relationship with Him. I can read a fiction novel (especially romance) in NO TIME, but I don’t know the last time I actually sat down and read my Bible.

Sometimes I feel like I’m blocking myself from changing. Maybe it’s fear. No use sitting around and analyzing my problems when I can simply just take action. Hopefully the next time I write I will have made some improvements.

Love,

BK